


The Official 501st Legion Chatlog

by Haroldosaur, smug_albatross



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (because we know exactly how this story ends), Angst, Chatlog, Crack, Denal as the cool one, Gen, Ridge as a good boy, Sixes as the resident cryptid, Starring Fives as the friend that has a seemingly infinite amount of reaction images, and Hardcase as himself, and it is EXACTLY as chaotic as you thing it is, chatfic, groupchat fic, oh god there's gonna be a LOT OF ANGST, the 501st has a groupchat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24840016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haroldosaur/pseuds/Haroldosaur, https://archiveofourown.org/users/smug_albatross/pseuds/smug_albatross
Summary: AKA: "The tragedy of Captain Rex the stressed"At the outset of the Clone Wars, many units in the GAR are given massive group chats, so that clones can better co-ordinate and socialize - and the 510st Legion is no exception. As the war drags on, however, the group chat comes to fulfil an additional, unforseen function: capturing more and more snapshots into the lives of brave, brilliant, heartbreakingly loyal men.(Or: Rex does his best to corral an entire legion's worth of backtalk, memes, and general shenanigans)
Comments: 90
Kudos: 523
Collections: Fun/Humour/Crack in a Galaxy Far Far Away





	1. Geonosis and the aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the crucible that is the Battle of Geonosis, the 501st take stock and process everything. (Also, try to figure out exactly who's in charge now.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold onto your shebs?

_**501st Main Chat** _

_[CT-2207, CS-1004, CT-6666, and 9,213 others have joined the chat]_

**CC-5001** \- Good luck boys

\--

\--

\--

 **CT-7453** -

**CT-7784** \- WHAT IN DEATH’S NAME WAS THAT

_[CT-5538 has changed their nickname to “Attie”]_

**CT-7466** \- huh

 **CT-7784** \- THAT WAS NOTHING LIKE THE SIMULATIONS

 **CT-8360** \- bro what

 **Attie** \- listen if I die tomorrow I want to be remembered as a name, not a number, you get me?

 **CT-0963** \- huh

 **CT-9932** \- honestly agreed,,,, what even was that,,,

 **CS-1004** \- huh

 **CT-3564** \- brother u r a genius

_[CT-3564 has changed their nickname to “Ayar”]_

**CT-2750** \- I guess that was what an actual battle is like? Makes sense that it’d be different to what we’re used to.

_[CT-7466 has changed their nickname to “Denal”]_

**Denal** \- I can get behind this

_[CT-4303 has changed their nickname to “Lunn”]_

**CT-8360** \- we sure this isn’t against regulations

 **CT-4500** \- it’s not NOT againts regulations

 **CT-2207** \- huh

 **CT-8360** \- ik for a fact you’ve ever even _read_ the regulations

 **Attie** \- if the longnecks think they can stop us I’m going to shove a blaster bolt

_[CT-1192 has changed their nickname to “X’loy’a”]_

**CS-5046** \- you didn’t finish

 **CS-5046** \- tell me where you were gonna shove that bolt Attie

 **Attie** \- u know where sir

_[CS-5046 has changed their nickname to “Coric”]_

**Coric** \- I was going to say I agreed

 **CT-8360** \- SIR

 **Attie** \- SIR :D

_[CT-9791 has changed their nickname to “Ged”]_

**CT-9932** \- oh man nowww I actually want a name

 **CS-1004** \- Never wanted one?

 **CT-9932** \- IDK I just nvr rly thought about it??

 **Attie** \- it’ll come to you brother

 **CS-1004** \- I don’t have one either, yet.

 **CS-1004** \- No shame in it.

 **CT-7567** \- does anyone know where the CO is

 **Lunn** \- the commander?

 **Lunn** \- he was the one with the shoulder things, right?

 **Ayar** \- thin k they’re called epaulettes

 **CT-8360** \- they’re called KAMA

 **CT-8360** \- but yes

 **CS-1004** \- Did you see him?

 **Lunn** \- pretty sure I saw him get carried off by bugs

 **Coric** \- They’re called pauldrons

 **CT-8360** \- what are Kama then

 **Coric** \- the skirts

 **CT-0963** \- saw the commander get w h a t n o w

 **Ayar** \- skirts??

 **Coric** \- you know those bitches

 **CT-8360** \- SIR?

 **CT-9932** \- y is no-one paying attention 2 the fact tha the commander might be DEAD???

 **Denal** \- Can confirm I saw CC-5001 getting carried off by 5001 bugs while screaming at 5001 decibels

 **CT-0610** \- wait HTE COMMANDER’S DEAD???

 **X’loy’a** -

**CT-8360** \- Well that’s. Hm!

 **CT-8360** \- that is Not Ideal!!!

 **Ged** \- what the fuck

 **CT-2750** \- that’s putting it MILDLY

 **CT-0610** \- oh _shoot_

 **CT-2750** \- 8360, anyway. Not ged

 **CT-7567** \- I suspected as much, but I figured I’d confirm it

 **CT-7567** \- sorry for the fuss

 **Attie** \- SORRY FOR THE FUSS?????

 **CT-7784** \- oh my god the commander’s dead

 **CT-7453** \- lmao

 **Ged** \- which god

 **CT-7784** \- idk pick one

 **X’loy’a** \- 7567 why did you even ASK we could have just lived in ignorant bliss for a bit longer

 **CT-7567** \- Like I said

 **CT-7567** \- Sorry

 **CS-1004** \- Yes, why _did_ you ask?

 **CT-7567** \- To confirm or deny that the commander was actually dead…?

 **Denal** \- suspicious

 **CT-7567** \- What. No?

_[CT-7453 has changed their nickname to “Hardcase”]_

_[CT-2750 has changed their nickname to “Vaize”]_

**Lunn** \- I guess Attie really had the right idea

\--

\--

\--

 **CT-7784** \- wait so what’s going on with the legion, then? I mean if the CO’s dead

 **CT-0610** \- Yeah, I’ve been wondering that too??

 **CS-1004** \- My understanding of the situation is that we’re going through a major structure shakeup. Whatever that means.

 **Coric** \- can confirm

 **CT-7784** \- ….that’s not ominous at all

\--

\--

\--

 **CT-0963** \- So, some good? I guess? News in the midst of all this uncertainty

 **Vaize** \- shoot lmao

 **CT-0963** \- Saw a commando at one point during the battle

 **CT-7784** \- saw a WHAT

 **CT-2207** \- Get outta town

 **Vaize** \- COMMANDO

 **CT-0963** \- for real!!

 **CT-0963** \- Big guy. Like, taller than regular clones

 **CT-0963** \- his visor was glowing blue too

 **CT-2207** \- that’s not normal visor behaviour

 **CT-7784** \- jdfjkdskljfsd

 **CT-0963** \- absolutely no idea what he was doing. Dude basically just blasted through my area, clearing out all the droids there, and then vanished???

 **Vaize** \- something top-secret probably

 **CT-7784** \- probably

 **CT-2207** \- probably

 **Vaize** \- they’re _so cool_

 **Attie** \- idk maybe he really had to get to the ‘fresher

 **CT-7784** \- :O

 **CT-7784** \- Attie!!!

 **CT-7784** \- that’s disrespectful

 **CT-2207** \- sfhjds guys Vaize just SCREECHED when he read that

 **Vaize** \- YOU CAN’T JUST _SAY THAT ATTIE_

 **Attie** -

**Vaize** \- **ATTIE**

\--

\--

\--

 **Coric** \- uhh does anyone know what happened to CT-7567?

 **Coric** \- haven’t seen him in a few days

 **Denal** \- idk I haven’t seen him either

 **CS-1004** \- apparently he got recalled to Kamino

 **Denal** \- WHAT

 **Attie** \- well rip to 67

 **Attie** \- we hardly knew ye

 **Denal** \- mf???

 **Denal** \- square up longnecks

\--

 **Rex** \- What’s up, I’m your new CO

 **Denal** \- who the fuck

 **Coric** \- hi sir

 **Coric** \- love the introduction

 **Rex** \- Wh.

 **Rex** \- right

_[Rex has cleared their nickname]_

**CT-7567** \- Remember me now?

_[CT-7567 has changed their nickname to “Rex”]_

**Denal** \- HOLY SHIT 67

 **Denal** \- REX

 **Denal** \- BUDDY

 **Denal** \- we heard you got pulled back to Kamino!!!

 **Denal** \- thought you’d been decommissioned!!!

 **Rex** \- Surprise! I’m not dead.

 **Coric** \- So what actually happened there, then

 **Denal** \- yeah why’d they pull you back if it wasn’t, y’know, for decommissioning purposes

 **Rex** \- TLDR I’m the only officer left in the legion after Geonosis

 **Rex** \- so

 **Rex** \- I’m in charge now I guess

\--

\--

\--

_[CS-1004 changed their nickname to “Kano”]_

**Coric** \- Oh, you decided on a name?

 **Kano** \- Yes

 **Coric** \- coolio

 **Del** \- Got mine too, actually

 **Coric** \- no-one likes a scrape, Del

 **Del** \- took a little while to decide- HEY

 **Del** \- SIR

 **Del** \- I’m not a SCRAPE

 **Ged** \- sound’s like something a scrape would say

 **Del** \- at least I’m not spelling ‘sounds’ with an apostraphe

 **Ged** \- _apostraphe????_

 **Coric** \- @CT-9932 figure yours out yet?

 **CT-9932** \- no ;_;

 **Coric** \- you’ll get there kid

\--

\--

\--

 **Denal** \- @Rex any news on the rest of our command structure?

 **Rex** \- Well

 **Rex** \- there’s _news_

 **Coric** \- oh that’s not a good start

 **CT-7784** \- hit us sir! wE can handle it

 **Rex** \- apparently the jedi being put in charge of us is

 **Rex** \- was

 **Rex** \- you know how they have the older jedi and then the younger jedi

 **Del** \- I believe the youngers are called ‘padawans’?

 **Rex** \- yes

 **Rex** \- thank you Del

 **Rex** \- anyway, our Jedi was apparently a padawan until… maybe a week ago? Didn’t get promoted until after geonosis anyway

 **X’loy’a** \- is that allowed?

 **Ayar** \- so what it’s like a shiny but it’s a jedi??

 **CT-0963** \- god I hope this kid has some combat experience

 **X’loy’a** \- Oh, mood

 **Rex** \- also. He lost an arm during geonosis?? Got it cut off while he was duelling one of the seperatist leaders or something

 **Kano** \- huh

 **Kano** \- so he’s presumably still going to be working that out, right? Like, apparently it takes time to adapt to prosthetics,,,,

 **X’loy’a** \- poor guy

 **Rex** \- right

 **Coric** \- right.

 **Kano** \- Do we know how he lost his arm?

 **Rex** \- I mean, I don’t

 **Rex** \- why

 **Kano** \- because if he’s young, he’s probably stupid

 **CT-2207** \- you think he lost his arm because he did dumb?

 **CT-2207** \- *did something

 **Kano** \- I’m saying that’s a possibility.

 **Kano** \- My point is it doesn’t bode well.

 **Coric** \- So, to clarify, our jedi is a shiny that got his arm chopped off on his first day?

 **Rex** \- that’s how it sounds.

 **Denal** \- aND now I regret asking

 **X’loy’a** \- fuckin RIP

\--

\--

\--

 **Denal** \- @Rex Word on the street is that you met the general

 **Rex** \- source??

 **Rex** \- but also correct

 **CT-8746** \- I mean I heard from Hardcase

 **Denal** \- oh Same

 **Hardcase** \- im not trrowing my sources under the speeder sir

 **Hardcase** \- you’ll never take us alive

 **Rex** \- I did, in fact, meet the general

 **CT-0963** \- and?

 **Coric** \- Yeah, you’re killing us here sir

 **Rex** \- ……

 **Denal** \- oh no

 **Kano** \- Oh, no.

 **Attie** \- o no

 **Rex** \- firstly he seems. Way to upbeat considering there’s now a war and also he lost a limb

 **Ged** \- 0_0

 **Coric** \- good start

 **Rex** \- I mean the good news is that he’s enthusiastic and also not an ass

 **Rex** \- He insisted on learning my name straight away

 **CT-8746** \- well that’s something?

 **Ged** \- I can get behind that

 **Denal** \- good vibes

 **Rex** \- HOWEVER

 **CT-9932** \- D:

 **CT-0963** \- ,,,there’s always an ‘however’

 **Ayar** \- lmao “an however”

 **CT-7784** \- wait i just joined wat am I missing lmao

 **Rex** \- the general is also REALLY stubborn

 **Rex** \- it’s so obvious that he just got promoted

 **Rex** \- and he absolutely is one of those jedi that’ll rush headfirst into danger

 **Denal** \- right.

 **Hardcase** \- good man!!!

 **Rex** \- He ignited his lightsaber to show it to me (I didn’t ask) and did a bunch of move before accidentally dropping it

 **Rex** \- *moves

 **CT-8746** \- trust me when I say that if this guy is Hardcase’s ideal general, it’s not a good sign for the rest of us

 **Denal** \- _lmao_??

 **Rex** \- turns out he hasn’t quite adjusted to his cybernetics yet so now there’s just a burn in one of Kamino’s meeting rooms

 **Attie** \- bet the longnecks hated that lmao

 **Coric** \- Silver linings

 **CT-7784** \- CRIPES

 **Rex** \- So, yeah. That’s gonna be our general.

 **Denal** \- wellp

 **Hardcase** \- THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT

 **CT-2207** \- The guy who has the final call on everything and is also just generally in charge

 **Rex** \- Affirmative.

_[CT-2207 has changed their nickname to “Boomer”]_

_[CT -7784 has changed their nickname to “Nax”]_

_[CT-0963 has changed their nickname to “Hez”]_

_[CT-8746 has changed their nickname to “Bellow”]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things'll be less confusing later on! Currently we've still got a lot of spare characters and also they're still naming themselves. Once we get past the culling that is Teth, and also more recognisable characters such as Jesse and Fives and Echo arrive, things should be easier to follow. Thanks for bearing with ^_^
> 
> Few Fun Facts For Ya:
> 
> -this fic is going to be as canon-compliant as we can possibly make it (with the exception of all the reaction images that are gonna be sourced from earth media. just imagine they're referencing weird in-universe media and not Atlantis and The Simpsons lmao)
> 
> -with the exception of X'loy'a (who my co-author made up for their fic, "Living in Borrowed Time", and then got attached to), none of these clones are OCs - most appear in the clone wars novelizations (for instance, some readers may already recognize the Teth survivors), although I'm also pulling a couple, such as Kano and Boomer, from other media such as the old Clone Wars games.
> 
> -yes, Hardcase is an OG member of the 501st in this. Though I can't say for sure if he was canonically there from the VERY beginning, he's at least mentioned in a comic that takes place chronologically before Christophsis - so the most likely thing is that he was just there from the start. (I know, it was surreal for me to find out as well)
> 
> -doing a wiki deep dive revealed that Denal is actually scarily competent. Like, it's probably because he keeps appearing in games and also is a player character in at least one, but he has a ludicrous list of achievements and was probably three days away from being promoted to ARC
> 
> -most of the clone numbers I just made up, because there aren't any canon listings (even some really prominent clones, like Dogma and Hardcase, don't have canon CT numbers)
> 
> -after this chapter was uploaded I ended up doing a bunch of edits because there were instances of clones' numbers being inconsistent or things just being structured weirdly with clones replying to themselves. I attribute that to two factors: 1.) this was written by 2 people jumping back and forth in a google doc, and 2.) we're apparently both illiterate


	2. from Geonosis to Teth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in the darkest times, hope cuts through. (As do chat cryptids.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the nice comments we've gotten so far ^_^

_**501st Main Chat** _

**Rex** \- @everyone We’re being deployed to Arantara

 **Bellow** \- oh here we go

 **Lunn** \- Should we be prepared to lose another ⅓ of the legion, or???

 **CT-9932** \- D:

 **Coric** \- dude

 **Boomer** \- :|

 **Lunn** \- WE WERE ALL THINKING IT

 **Bellow** \- just because you can doesn’t mean you should

 **Denal** \- To be fair, this time we’ll have an actual jedi general leading us

 **Denal** \- which should help

 **Hardcase** \- just as long as he doesn’t make it TOO easy

 **Bellow** \- hardcase

 **Bellow** \- hardcase PLEASE

 **Hardcase** \- no

 **Ayar** \- jdslfjksadf what’s even up with Hardcase

 **Ayar** \- I mean no offence

 **Ayar** \- but your vibes are manic

 **Hardcase** \- *wheeze*

 **Hardcase** \- my growth chamber had a leak

 **Bellow** \- oh worm?

 **Hardcase** \- made me

 **Hardcase** \- h y p e r a c t i v e

 **Rex** \- Yeah

 **Rex** \- I noticed

 **Del** \- We all did, sir.

\--

\--

\--

 **Coric** \- @Rex sir are you planning to Almost Die on every deployment??

 **Coric** \- asking for future reference

 **Bellow** \- wait wait wait what happened

 **Denal** \- di’kut got himself shot

 **Denal** \- several times

 **Rex** \- I didn’t see you complaining when I was covering your ass, Denal

 **Denal** \- that’s because you were too focused on the clankers to notice anything else

 **Denal** \- just be grateful the general went back to get you

 **Rex** \- ...that _was_ unexpected

 **Hardcase** \- hell yeah

 **Hardcase** \- I told you he was awesome

 **Rex** \- also I need to untangle the absolute MESS the 212th made of our requisitions, so everyone wish me luck

 **X’loy’a** \- good luck, sir!

 **Rex** \- Thank you, X’loy’a

 **Denal** \- you’re just saying that because your helmet got blasted apart

 **Coric** \- WHAT

 **Rex** \- Denal you _snitch_

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \- @everyone New deployment!

 **Rex** \- Benglor

 **Coric** \- try not to get your head blown off this time, sir

 **Rex** \- My _head_ was fine

 **Rex** \- it was my helmet that needed help

 **Hardcase** \- that’s why we have helmets!

 **Del** \- No offense, but if Hardcase is agreeing with you, I think you’re doing it wrong

 **Hardcase** \- D:

 **Rex** \- and now you’ve gone and made him sad

 **Rex** \- nice going, Del

 **Del** \- Sorry, sir!

 **Denal** \- lmao?

 **Denal** \- sir you don’t even Like hardcase

 **Hardcase** \- _D:_

 **Rex** \- You’re going to like latrine duty even less, trooper.

 **Denal** \- fuck

\--

\--

\--

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to Bellow]_

**Attie** \- god fuck this

 **Denal** \- asjdfhasdfkds?????

 **Attie** \- I hate this job

 **Attie** \- I don’t get paid enough

 **Del** \- Property doesn’t get paid.

 **CT-9932** \- D:

 **Lunn** \- bruh

 **Coric** \- way to kill the mood Del

 **Nax** \- o u c h

 **Del** \- okay but Am I wrong

 **Rex** \- What the hell is happening in here?

 **Attie** \- Del is personally executing the vibes

 **Rex** \- so I see

 **Rex** \- I mean, he’s not wrong

 **Coric** \- s IR

 **Boomer** \- This Is Not Encouraging

 **Rex** \- Sorry, the encouraging batch brother got decommissioned

 **Rex** \- you’re stuck with me instead

 **Coric** \- ABSOLUTELY SLAUGHTERING THE VIBE, SIR

 **Boomer** \- okay but What Even happened on Benglor?

 **Rex** \- Intel sent us on a wild goose chase and Bellow got eaten by some local wildlife

 **Boomer** \- ...

 **Denal** \- I mean you DID ask

 **Boomer** \- I did. That's on me

 **Hardcase** \- can we gt an F in the chat for my boy Bellow

 **Denal** \- F

 **Hez** \- F.

 **Ged** \- F

 **CT-9932** \- f ;_;

 **Zeer** \- F

\--

\--

\--

 **Hardcase** \- WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HISSEEN

 **Rex** \- you are literally the only one who is happy about how that went

 **X’loy’a** \- Hardcase….Hardcase… why. whY are you like this

 **Vaize** \- the longnecks spiked his fucking tank, remember?

 **X’loy’a** \- oh yeah

 **Attie** \- I Hate This Job

 **Del** \- You say that every time we come back from a mission

 **Attie** \- AND I’LL KEEP SAYING IT

 **Attie** \- THIS JOB _SUCKS_

 **CT-0610** \- Well i mean

 **CT-0610** \- does it really coutn as a job?

 **Denal** \- stop,,, It’s too early in the morning tor existentialism

 **Vaize** \- It’s not morning.

 **Denal** \- what

 **Vaize** \- it’s like three in the afternoon??

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \- @everyone We have a new deployment!

 **Rex** \- We’re heading to Christophsis to break the seppie blockade and lift the siege.

 **Hez** \- nice

 **Hez** \- never been to Christophsis

 **Attie** \- we’ve been deployed fucking twice???

 **Attie** \- none of us have ever been to fucking Christophsis

 **Del** \- Four times, actually

 **Attie** \- fOuR tImEs

 **Hez** \- you’re just whiny because you’re stuck in the medbay

 **Attie** \- THAT CRASH WAS BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT

 **Coric** \- attie shut up and get off the chat

 **Coric** \- you’re on bed rest

 **Attie** \- IM BORED

\--

\--

\--

 **Coric** \-  @Rex 

**Coric** \-  @Rex 

**Coric** \-  @Rex 

**Del** \- what the hell is happening

 **Coric** \- he’s AVOIDING THE MEDBAY

 **Attie** \- what the kriff happened that he needs to go to the medbay????

 **CT-0610** \- traitor in the ranks

 **Nax** \- Excuse Me

 **CT-0610** \- well the 212th ranks

 **Attie** \- oh those bitches

 **Del** \- _attie_

 **Denal** \-  @Coric  he’s hiding in the officer barracks

 **Coric** \- THANK YOU

 **Boomer** \- Wow denal you are Just A Big Snitch Huh

 **Lunn** \- lmao

 **Denal** \- its a proud character trait

 **Denal** \- also Rex got his fucking hip dislocated and I Do Not Want To Deal With That

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \- WHO THE FUCK GAVE OUR JEDI A BABY JEDI

 **X’loy’a** \- O_O

 **Coric** \- dfjkgdfsdf oh gods

 **Rex** \- I hate this. I hate this SO MUCH. Put it BACK.

 **Rex** \- Little gods, it’s like watching a CADET

 **Rex** \- except this cadet can use the force and eats Raw Meat

 **Del** \- wh

 **Denal** \- Honestly eating raw meat sounds like a couple of cadets I knew

 **Rex** \- you keep your mouth shut denal

 **CT-0610** \- dude what kind of cadets did YOU hang out with

 **Denal** \- :)

 **Rex** \- _Mouth. Shut._

 **Nax** \- wh. what does that mean sir

 **Rex** \- no okay but when I say RAW meat I mean R A W

 **Rex** \- as in, snatched a rat off the ground in front of me and just

 **Nax** \- D:

 **Rex** \- tore into it

 **Coric** \- sfjhasdfkjasdfasdfadskfjadsfdsf

 **Hardcase** \- nice

 **Rex** \- there is nothing quite as intimidating as watching a fourteen-year-old devour a rodent the size of her head in three seconds flat

 **Coric** \- counterpoint. The 212th CMO.

 **Rex** \- ...fair

 **Del** \- Related but isnt’ our Jedi barely not a padawan himself??

 **Del** \- Why are they giving HIM one

 **Rex** \- : )

 **Rex** \- APPARENTLY

 **Coric** \- oh no

 **Rex** \- it was GENERAL KENOBI’S IDEA

 **Denal** \- whY????

 **Rex** \- I Am Suffering

 **CT-0610** \- wait which one is Kenobi again

 **Denal** \- hey six-ten? How have you survived this long?

 **CT-0610** \- leave me alone

\--

\--

\--

_[CT-1601, CT-7741, CT-5040, and 1,022 others have joined the chat]_

**X’loy’a** \- I am once again confused and frightened

 **Hardcase** \- hell yeah fresh meat

 **Rex** \- Hardcase I am begging you to not phrase it like that.

 **Rex** \- but yes, we’re being reinforced

 **CT-9932** \- :O new bros!!

 **Hez** \- _finally_

 **Hez** \- not that it’s your fault or anything sir but it’s been weeks since Geonosis

 **Rex** \- tell me about it

 **Denal** \- well you see sir time passes at a fairly regular pace and has been doing so for some time-

 **Rex** \- …

 **Denal** \- you did ask, sir

 **Rex** \- _…_

 **Coric** \- uh oh he’s italicizing the ellipses

 **Hez** \- how can you even TELL?

 **CT-1601** \- hi!

 **Denal** \- Yo.

 **CT-9932** \- hi!!!

 **Denal** \- @ new guys If you all have names, feel free to change your on-screen nickname to them. It makes life a lot easier honestly.

 **CT-7741** \- I thought that was against regulations

 **Del** \- You learn to not bring up regulations

 **Coric** \- @Del

**Del** \- Sir,,,,, I am begging you to get a sense of professionalism.

 **Coric** -

**Hez** \- dud e he’s just doing it to annoy you

_[CT-5040 has changed their nickname to “Koho”]_

**Denal** \- nice name

 **Koho** \- thank

 **9932** \- o oh like thatt

 **Kano** \- kid please stop throwing extra letters everywhere

_[CT-8347 has changed their nickname to "Mixer"]_

**CT-7741** \- oh well in that case lmao

_[CT-7741 has changed their nickname to "Flash"]_

_[CT-1601 has changed their nickname to “Ridge”]_

**Ridge** \- Nice to meet y’all! ^_^

\--

\--

\--

 **Attie** \- im not the only 1 who’s noticed the guy that’s always online but never says anything, right

 **CT-0610** \- honestly you’re gonna have to be more specific

 **Denal** \- who, CC-6666

 **Attie** \- yeah

 **CT-0610** \- oh

 **CT-0610** \- you mean like ALWAYS online

 **Attie** \- yeah that’s why I said fucking always?????

 **Coric** \- yo easy

 **Hardcase** \- seen him 2 but I always assumed he was jus vibing

 **Hardcase** \- do we now t ink there’s lik a story behind it

 **Hardcase** \- like he’s a special ops agent or somethin??

 **Coric** \- I really doubt that Hardcase

 **Denal** \- probs not

 **Denal** \- I feel like I’d know if he was

 **CT-0610** \- i

 **CT-0610** \- what??

 **Attie** \- this just in, Denal is also a weird special ops lurker apparently

 **Mixer** \- Great

 **Mixer** \- They're multiplying

 **Hez** \- is no-one else going to point out that this guy has. a CC number instead of CT

 **Hardcase** \- shit u right

 **Coric** \- ?????

 **Coric** \- I thought Rex was the only CO left after Geonosis

 **Denal** \- He was?

 **Denal** \- @CC-6666 Please explain urself

 **CT-0610** \- then WHY IS THERE A CC IN THE CHAT

 **Attie** \- and why isn't he _saying anything_

\--

\--

\--

_**CC-6666-Rex DMs** _

**CC-6666** \- Sir.

 **CC-6666** \- There’s a problem that I need to talk to you about.

 **Rex** \- What is it?

 **CC-6666** \- When I try to send messages in the general chat, it won’t work.

 **CC-6666** \- I can still send direct messages, but not general ones.

 **CC-6666** \- I was hoping you could tell me how to solve this issue.

 **Rex** \- kjldsflkjsadlkjf

 **CC-6666** \- Sir?

 **Rex** \- Sorry

 **Rex** \- dropped my comm

 **Rex** \- Anyways, if you’re having issues with the chat, I think CT-0991 and CT-2240 are the ones in charge of maintenance - i recommend messaging one of them? They should be able to help

 **CC-6666** \- Understood. Thank you, sir.

 **Rex** \- also I have a question

 **CC-6666** \- Of course, sir.

 **Rex** \- Why's your number have a CC instead of a CT?

 **CC-6666** \- Ah.

 **CC-6666** \- Honestly, I'm as in the dark as you, sir. I think they might have made a mistake when entering me into the GAR database.

 **Rex** \- ..cool

 **Rex** \- thanks

 **CC-6666** \- It was no problem, sir.

**\--**

**\--**

**\--**

_**Rex-Denal DMs** _

**Rex** \- OH MY STARS DENAL

 **Denal** \- ???

 **Rex** \- you know the resident cryptid who never says anything???

 **Denal** \- You’re gonna have to be more spcific

 **Denal** \- OH WAIT

 **Rex** \- CC-6666

 **Denal** \- CC6666??

 **Denal** \- YEAH okay I know who you’re talking about

 **Rex** \- turn out!! He’s not a total freak the group chat just wouldn’t let him send messages

 **Rex** \- and his number got entered into the database wrong

 **Rex** \- *turns out

 **Denal** \- lmao???

 **Denal** \- low-key anticlimactic

 **Rex** \- I FREAKED OUT when he messaged me holy shit

 **Rex** \- I'll take that mundane explanation anyday

 **Rex** \- thought I was about to be interrogated by the 501st's actual commander

 **Denal** \- xD

 **Rex** \- IT WASN'T FUNNY

**\--**

**\--**

**\--**

_**501st Main Chat** _

**Rex** \- @everyone okay we’re being thrown DIRECTLY into our next deployment I guess

 **Rex** \- Off to Teth! We go! With a SHINY NEW COMMANDER

 **Rex** \- I hate this job

 **Attie** \- that’s my line sir

 **Rex** \- I’m requisitioning it.

 **Denal** \- good luck you absolute fuckshits

 **Denal** \- I will be praying for your bitchass souls

 **Rex** \- Denal I swear to ANY gods that are listening

 **Attie** \- _bitchass souls???_

 **Hardcase** \- AKJSDHFKJSDHFSDFASKDSAD

 **Coric** \-  @Denal  you’re just mad you’re stuck in the reserves atm

 **Denal** \- legitimately?? No

 **Denal** \- you have a Tiny Child giving your orders

 **Del** \- your

 **Denal** \- fuck off

 **Ridge** \- this chat confuses and frightens me

 **X’loy’a** \- good news! The baby Jedi also confuses and frightens us

 **Ridge** \- I’m not sure that’s good news???

 **Lunn** \- what even IS good news

 **Kano** \- The good news is that the Resolute’s rodent problem will be solved maybe three minutes after that baby jedi arrives.

 **Kano** \- At least, if the captain’s assessment was accurate.

 **X’loy’a** \- nono no thats not Good News

 **Del** \- what the fck is happening

 **X’loy’a** \- good news is that Denal won’t be with us on Teth

 **Rex** \- men i am literally begginy ou to calm down for three seconds

 **Denal** \- @Koho @X’loy’a

**Denal** \- sorry sir

 **Rex** \- I hate this fucking legion

 **Rex** \- that’s ME where did you even GET that

 **Rex** \- @Denal consider that an order

 **Denal** \- why sir

 **Denal** \- I could never betray six-ten’s trust like that

 **Rex** \- :|

 **CT-0610** \- YOU RATTED ME OUT YOU SON OF A BITCH

\--

\--

\--

 **Kano** \- @Ged @Ridge @9932 Stop horsing around and get in your gunships already

 **Denal** \- CC-6666 wishes y’all luck

 **Vaize** \- please don’t speak for the cryptid

 **Denal** \- :3

\--

\--

\--

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to CT-9932]_

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to X’loy’a]_

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to Vaize]_

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to Ged]_

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to CT-8125]_

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to Ayar]_

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to Lunn]_

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to Hez]_

**Denal** \- yo what the FUCK happened at Teth

 **Coric** \- well that was ASS

 **Del** \- at least it was only a company wipe?

 **Attie** \- way to look on the bright side

 **Attie** \- so much for your fucking prayers Denal

 **Denal** \- Fuck

 **Coric** \- :|

 **Nax** \- has anyone seen Ridge?

 **Nax** \- I can’t find him

 **Del** \- the NEW KID too are you SERIOUS

_[Rex has added role "KIA" to Ridge]_

**Nax** \- god fucking dammit

\--

\--

\--

 **Kano** \-  @9932  Sorry the name thing didn’t work out, kid.

\--

\--

\--

 **Denal** \- @Rex, you okay?

 **Hardcase** \- hearing a lot of blasterfire from the shooting range

 **Hardcase** \- so uh

 **Hardcase** \- almost certainly not

 **Denal** \- c o o l

 **Denal** \- shit dude torrent was his baby

 **Del** \- thanks

 **Denal** \- no i didn’t mean

 **Denal** \- fuck

 **Coric** \- Nah I get it

 **Del** \- im going to go steal rotgut from the Wave shinies

 **Del** \- Nax and Attie are invited

 **Coric** \- I’m inviting myself

 **Zeer** \- can i come

 **Coric** \- no you’re in the medbay for the next ten years

 **Zeer** \- :(

\--

\--

\--

 **Ridge** \- hello??

 **Ridge** \- is this thing fucking working

 **Denal** \- RIDGE??????

 **Coric** \- HOLY SHIT

 **Del** \- VOD’IKA

 **Rex** \- What

 **Rex** \- what the fuck?

 **Ridge** \- IT’S WORKING THANK FUCK

 **Ridge** \- I have

 **Ridge** \- no idea where I am

 **Ridge** \- and all of my ribs hurt

 **Ridge** \- uh

 **Ridge** \- help

_[Rex has removed role "KIA" from Ridge]_

**Ridge** \- aw really sir??

 **Ridge** \- thanks but im offended

 **Rex** \- Shut up kid

 **CC-6666** \- Nice work, Ridge

 **Hardcase** \- WHAT THE FUCK

 **Hardcase** \- RIDGE TOU SYMMPNEF THE CRYPRID

 **Ridge** \- what does that even say

 **Del** \- *summoned *cryptid

 **Ridge** \- oh

 **Ridge** \- yay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ridge lives!
> 
> Here's today's edition of Few Fun Facts For Ya (FFFFY):
> 
> -Everyone here is still canon in some form now (except for X'loy'a but he's dead now). In terms of clones who got more spotlight this time round, we've got Six-ten (who I think appears in a comic - he has a visor and I love him), and of course, the legendary CT-6666, or "Sixes". The meme goes that he's the most legendary clone ever - highest kill count in the GAR, made Count Dooku beg for mercy, and told Palpatine to get lost when he was given order 66. This is our attempt to,,, localize that incredible cryptid energy in a way that still fits into canon :3
> 
> -The regulars are coming! I'm not 100% sure when Jesse and Kix arrive, but Rishi is only a little while away, so Fives and Echo should be here next chapter
> 
> -Denal being a complete snitch isn't supported by canon and was something that just kinda happened, but we think it's very funny


	3. Early Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fives and Echo join the legion. Denal continues to harass Rex as only best friends can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what to even put here lmao

_**501st Main Chat** _

**Rex** \-  @everyone  Alright the Jedi just took off for the Abregado system so comms officers keep an ear out for when the inevitably come back screaming

 **Denal** \- uh

 **Denal** \- isn’t the abregado system the one where

 **Rex** \- General Plo’s fleet disappeared? Why yes it is Denal

 **Denal** \- …

 **Denal** \- and HOW many men are they taking?

 **Rex** \- Why that would be none Denal

 **Hardcase** \- lmao nice

 **CT-0610** \- Im sure they’ll be fine

 **CT-0610** \- they’re Jedi

 **Kano** \- Jedi aren’t invincible, kid

 **Ridge** \- D:

 **Rex** \- They’ll be fine, they’re just going to cause a massive headache and probably get me yelled at by high command

 **Rex** \- oh speaking of which here they are now

 **Rex** \- excuse me gents

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \- s o

 **Rex** \- We’re looking at a full fleet wipe

 **Rex** \- with four survivors, including General Plo

 **Attie** \- _fuck_

 **Del** \- Which survivors, sir?

 **Rex** \- Commander Wolffe, Corporal Sinker, and Private Boost

 **Coric** \- fortunately they’ll all pull through

 **Denal** \- they’re doing okay?

 **Coric** \- yeah vacuum sickness is a bitch but it’s nothing we can’t handle

 **Nax** \- well thank fuck for _that_

 **Nax** \- no chance of someone pulling a Ridge?

 **Ridge** \- ???

 **Nax** \- yknow coming back from the dead

 **Rex** \- doubt it. The Seps were using pod busters

 **Zeer** \- what the FUCK who uses pod busters??

 **Attie** \- the seps apparently

 **Zeer** \- I GUESS

 **Rex** \- On the bright side, we know what the weapon is

 **Rex** \- on the downside, it’s a cruiser crusher with an ion cannon

 **Denal** \- _...fuck_

 **Rex** \- time for the pilots to earn their fucking keep

 **Attie** \- lmao

\--

\--

\--

 **Zeer** \- hey how did the pilots do?

 **Rex** \- :|

 **Attie** \- uh oh

 **Rex** \- The good news is that the unit is still there

 **Zeer** \- well that’s Better than weve been doing lately

 **Rex** \- the bad news is that theres half as many of them as there used to be

 **Ridge** \- D:

 **Hardcase** \- poor flynf bastards

 **Flash** \- hey not to be That Guy but can Jedi get married??? Is that allowed??

 **Denal** \- you’re being That Guy

 **Denal** \-  @Rex  you’re the jedi whisperer

 **Rex** \- thank you Denal

 **Rex** \- no they can’t get married

 **Rex** \- and if you have a crush on skywalker for the love of the force _keep it to yourself_

 **Ridge** \- OMG

 **Flash** \- DKLJSDF THAT’S NOT IT THAT’S NOT IT

 **Coric** \- lmaoooo

 **Mixer** \- cringe

 **Flash** \- no I just overheard the General and senator Amidala talking??

 **Rex** \- ...ah

 **Rex** \- nobody saw anything

 **Flash** \- huh?

 **Denal** \- shhhh

 **Flash** \- oh!

 **Flash** \- okay

\--

\--

\--

_**Rex-Denal DMs** _

**Denal** \- ok Rex

 **Denal** \- I helped you hush up Flash, you owe me

 **Rex** \- ….What do you want

 **Denal** \- what actually IS the deal between the general and the senator

 **Denal** \- I mean I’m INFERRING that they’re romantically involved in some way, if your reaction is anything to go by

 **Rex** \- Yeah nah they’re married

 **Denal** \- LMAO????

 **Denal** \- how’d you figure that one

 **Rex** \- I heard them on a comm while I was meeting the general. They mentioned a marriage - apparently it’d happened, like, the previous day

 **Rex** \- it was pretty much the third thing I learnt about General Skywalker, after the whole “extremely talented and incredibly reckless” thing

 **Denal** \- stars above

 **Denal** \- that’s priceless

 **Rex** \- they’re adorable and I’m Going to cry at how fucking unsubtle they are

\--

\--

\--

_**501st Main Chat** _

**Rex** \- @everyone We’re been deployed to Mimban to reinforce the 224th

 **Ridge** \- oh the Mud Jumpers??? Fuck yeah I love the mud jumpers

 **Kano** \- Have you ever met a Mud Jumper, kid?

 **Ridge** \- that’s not the POINTTTT

\--

\--

\--

 **Denal** \- OKAY TWO THINGS

 **Denal** \- one

 **Denal** \-  @Rex 

**Denal** \- What the fuck were you thinking

 **Flash** \- c. can you talk to the captain like that?

 **Ridge** \- well he seems to be either way

 **Denal** \- oh my apologies what the fuck were you thinking SIR

 **Denal** \- you tried to storm a WHOLE SHIELD GENERATOR _BY YOURSELF_

 **Denal** \- NO WONDER YOU GOT FUCKING SHOT

 **Rex** \- I didn’t see you offering any brilliant solutions

 **Rex** \- besides, it worked

 **Coric** \- ….you told me you got shot during the exfil

 **Rex** \- I DID

 **Denal** \- oh he got shot then too

 **Denal** \- he just ALSO got shot while

 **Denal** \-  @Kano  doing what, again??

 **Kano** \- Trying to storm a whole shield generator by himself.

 **Denal** \- _right._

 **Coric** \- do I even want to know what the second thing is

 **Denal** \- oh absolutely

 **Ridge** \- ???

 **Hardcase** \- tell ussSSSSS

 **Attie** \- lmao yeah denal you can’t just Not Tell Us after that display

\--

\--

\--

_ **Rex-Denal DMs** _

**Rex** \- DENAL IF YOU SEND THAT MESSAGE YOU’RE GOING TO BE ON SANITATION DUTY UNTIL THE END OF THE FUCKING WAR

 **Denal** \- :3

 **Rex** \- _D E N A L_

\--

\--

\--

_ **501st Main Chat** _

**Denal** \- apologies gentlebeings just accepting my fate

 **Denal** \- so anyway

 **Denal** \- actually  @everyone  needs to hear this

 **Rex** \- _Denal_

 **Denal** \- suffer

 **Koho** \- uhhh should we be hearing this

 **Rex** \- NO.

 **Denal** \- _yes_

 **CT-0610** \- what’s going on

 **Boomer** \- I was summoned

 **Mixer** \- oh this sounds like a disaster

 **Mixer** \- I can’t wait

 **Denal** \- Our dear, decorated captain had to be saved by _Senator Jar Jar Binks_

 **Denal** \- wielding a lightsaber :)

 **Mixer** \- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **Coric** \- oh for fuck’s sake

 **Coric** \- Denal you have ten minutes to write your last will and testament before the captain is released from the medbay

 **Denal** \- it was worth it

 **Ridge** \- I have several questions??

 **Ridge** \- firstly how did the senator get a lightsaber

 **Ridge** \- secondly how does denal know what happened when the captain ran off on his own

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \-  @everyone  Alright, I’m going to be gone for a bit

 **CT-0610** \- sir?

 **Rex** \- me and Cody are on inspection duty for the rotation, so we’re going to be off. Doing that

 **Denal** \- but,,, we’re looking for general grievous

 **Denal** \- shouldn’t that take priority

 **Boomer** \- yeh not to be pedantic but you’d THINK that hunting the head clanker[™] would be more important than routine inspections

 **Rex** \- you would think so wouldn’t you

 **Boomer** \- yes.

 **Boomer** \- that’s why I said that

 **Denal** \- admit it youre just trying to make us forget you had to be savd by jar jar binks

 **Rex** \- _DENAL_

 **Flash** \- honestly I was gonna ask who used the  @everyone  but it was the captain so that’s fair

 **Flash** \- SHIT

 **Denal** \- FLASH

 **Boomer** \- flash.

 **Hardcase** \- what’s the stitch why are we being @ed

 **Flash** \- I said I was sorry!!!!

 **Boomer** \- ,,,you didn’t

 **Flash** \- I implied it!

 **CT-0610** \- _????_

 **Coric** \- who the fuck summoned me

 **Ridge** \- Wait, so can anyone use the  @everyone ?

 **Denal** \- _Ridge what the Fuck_

 **Ridge** \- OH NO

 **Coric** \- oh for fuck’s sake

 **Hardcase** \- wait can any1 use  @everyone 

**Ridge** \- I’M SORRY

 **Koho** \- what’s even happening in this fuckin chat

 **Hardcase** \- @everyone @everyone @everyone

 **Rex** \- jesus fucking christ okay I’m revoking @ everyone privileges until you all learn self-control

 **Hardcase** \- @everyone @everyone @everoyne @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @eveyrone  @everyone  @everoynee@everyone  @everyone 

**Denal** \- Hardcase I can and will shave your fucking eyebrows

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \- Inspection Update

 **Rex** \- we got through like almost all of the inspections without incident

 **Coric** \- I like how you include the ‘almost’ to keep us into suspense

 **Coric** \- *in

 **Rex** \- until we got to that base on the Rishi moon

 **Rex** \- near Kamino

 **Denal** \- oh yeah, I remember that one. How’s it looking?

 **Rex** \- it got blown to high hell

 **Ridge** \- _huh_???

 **Rex** \- So it’s not looking like much of anything anymore, to answer your question

 **Denal** \- wack

 **Ridge** \- that’s a really understated reaction Denal!!!

 **Ridge** \- god

 **Kano** \- I’ve heard that base be mentioned in passing. Doesn’t that mean that we don’t have an advance outpost watching over Kamino anymore?

 **Mixer** \- uhhh yikes?

 **Rex** \- _Technically_ no

 **Rex** \- But it got blown up while Grievous was attempting to invade Kamino so

 **Rex** \- we probably have some wiggle room there

 **Nax** \- yiiiiiiikes

 **Ridge** \- I concur

 **Kano** \- I don’t suppose there are any other silver linings in this cloud?

 **Rex** \- Well, two of the rookies stationed at the base survived, and I’m folding ‘em into the 501st

 **Denal** \- ahah nice

 **Ridge** \- oh nice!!

 **Rex** \- Me and Cody briefly discussed who’d get them but at the end of the day these kids fought a droid legion with only us as backup and destroyed their own base as a strategy so

 **Coric** \- they’re 501st through and through huh

 **Rex** \- _exactly_

 **Denal** \- I like how you and Codes had a custody battle over them

 **Nax** \- _lmao??_

\--

\--

\--

_[Rex has added CT-5555 to the chat]_

_[Rex has added CT-1409 to the chat]_

**Rex** \- play nice, vode

 **Denal** \- >:3

 **Rex** \- _Denal_

 **Denal** \- okay okay fine

_[CT-5555 has changed their nickname to “Fives”]_

**Denal** \- so what’s your story, vod’ike?

 **Fives** \- it’s! A whole-ass story

 **Rex** \- They’re the ones I picked up from Rishi

 **Denal** \- ahhhhh

 **Attie** \- yo drop by the beta squad barracks when u get the chance

 **Attie** \- Rex look away

 **Rex** \- everyone knows you’re a candy peddler attie

 **CT-1409** \- Isn’t that against regulations?

 **Denal** \- ahahahaha regulations

 **Koho** \- don’t scare the shinies, denal

 **Fives** \- watch out for Echo. he LOVES him some regulations

 **Fives** \- we call him “Echo” because he’d always repeat the commed orders we got during training

 **Attie** \- lmao???

 **CT-1409** \- _Fives_

 **Fives** \- hey its not my fault you think a catching up on reg manuals is a fun pasttime

\--

\--

\--

 **Boomer** \- can I just say

 **Boomer** \- FUCK greivous

 **Zeer** \- is there context, or…?

 **Boomer** \- I mean I guess it’s because of the base and his attempting to invade Kamino but mostly just in general. Fuck him yaknow

 **Fives** \- cheers to that bro

 **Echo** \- Who changed my name??

 **Echo** \- Fives!!

 **Fives** \- WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS ME

 **Echo** \- Because I know what you’re like as a person??

 **Denal** \- actually it was Rex

 **Echo** \- I

 **Fives** \- _HAH_

 **Fives** \- 

**Rex** \- congratulations shiny your squad gave you a name and now you’re stuck with it

 **Rex** \- that’s pretty much how the rest of the Legion got their names anyway

 **Ridge** \- What about you, sir?

 **Rex** \- that’s classified

 **Attie** \- *eyes emoji*

 **Attie** \- why don’t we have emojis?? We should have emojis

 **Hardcase** \- YES

 **Rex** \- Absolutely not.

 **Rex** \- you’re all awful enough as it is

 **Rex** \- also  @everyone  We’re being redeployed to defend the Bothuwai system pack your gear and get read to jump to hyperspace

 **Attie** \- can’t catch a fucking break can we

 **Rex** \- were you expecting one?

 **Attie** \- no sir!

 **Mixer** \- fingers crossed that he doesn’t have another superweapon and we end up like the wolfpack

 **Ridge** \- D:

 **Attie** \- that’s JUST what we needed to hear thanks Mixer

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \- The general and the commander want me to put together a team - we’re infiltrating a seppie listening post

 **Denal** \- I’m in

 **Denal** \- if I spend one more day on this cruiser without any action i might actually go insane

 **Rex** \- so I heard

 **Boomer** \- and I felt!

 **Boomer** \- don’t spar with Denal y’all

 **Boomer** \- he won’t break your limbs but it’ll FEEL like he had

 **Denal** \- don’t be such a wuss

 **Rex** \-  @Denal  gather a small team and meet me at the Twilight as soon as you can

 **Denal** \- WHA

 **Denal** \- that rustbucket??

 **Denal** \- sir

 **Rex** \- the Twilight may be rustic, but we can’t all fit in a starfighter and a gunship would be too conspicuous

 **Denal** \- ...point taken

 **Denal** \- Though I maintain that “rustic” is a severe understatement

 **Rex** \- Duly noted.

\--

\--

\--

_[Rex has added role KIA to Thayk]_

_[Rex has added role KIA to CT-8190]_

_[Rex has added role KIA to Za’ro]_

**Koho** \- I take it we need a reiteration of the ‘fuck grievous’ thing

 **Boomer** \- i’m down

 **Boomer** \- from the bottom of my lab-grown soul

 **Boomer** \- FUCK GRIEVOUS

 **Rex** \- So. Update.

 **Rex** \- I have befriended the carnivorous child

 **Coric** \- KAJSHDFKLDASF??????

 **Rex** \- I assure you I am Also very surprised?

 **Denal** \- listen sometimes the feral baby saves your shebs from grievous and you just Have to be friends

 **Koho** \- I’m surprised anyone needed to save _your_ shebs @Denal

 **Denal** \- yeah yeah laugh it up

 **Denal** \- head clanker is tougher than I thought he’d be

 **Del** \- wait so What exactly happened?

 **Rex** \- baby Jedi fought grievous and didn’t die

 **Rex** \- surprise?

 **Del** \- what the fuck??

 **Rex** \- So yeah, we’re friends now.

 **Rex** \- she’s still an absolute baby

 **Denal** \- even more baby than Ridge?

 **Ridge** \- hey!

 **Rex** \- nobody’s more baby than Ridge

 **Ridge** \- HEY

 **Mixer** \- what, not even the shinies?

 **Mixer** \- @Fives @Echo get in here we’re making fun of you

 **Echo** \- D:

 **Fives** \- HEY??

 **Ridge** \- lol

 **Coric** \- I mean if you want to get technical about it she’s older than all of us

 **Denal** \- don’t say that now he’s going to talk about experience again

\--

\--

\--

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Mixer** \- oh my stars can someone please just @ the captain already

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **CT-0610** \- The Captain disabled the @ function, remember

 **Hardcase** \- sir

 **Rex** \- actually, I just disabled the ability to @ EVERYONE

 **Rex** \- you could have still @ed me directly

 **Hardcase** \- oh cool

 **Hardcase** \- anyway SIR

 **Hardcase** \- MY FRIEND NEVER GOT ADDED TO THIS CHAT

 **Rex** \- oh?

 **Rex** \- shoot

 **Rex** \- what’s his CT number

 **Hardcase** \- 5579

_[Rex has added CT-5579 to the chat]_

**Hardcase** \- JESSSSEEEEEEE

 **Hardcase** \- YOU’RE HEEEEEERE

 **CT-5579** \- oh FINALLY?

 **CT-5579** \- thanks for really hurrying to tell Captain Rex I couldn’t get in Hardcase

 **Hardcase** \- lmao it hasn’t been _that_ long

 **CT-5579** \- I TOLD YOU RIGHT AFTER GEONOSIS

 **CT-5579** \- also how do I change my nickname

_[Rex has changed CT-5579’s nickname to “Jesse”]_

**Jesse** \- ...thank you, captain

 **Jesse** \-  @Hardcase  THAT’S how to do a favour for someone in a _timely manner_

 **Fives** \- oh hey a new guy

 **Fives** \- are we not the shiniest members of this legion anymore

 **Jesse** \- no?? I’ve only just joined the chat but I’ve been in the legion the whole time

 **Fives** -

**Fives** \- sounds like something a shiny would say

 **Echo** \- Fives, we’re also shinies.

 **Fives** \- That’s how I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's edition of FFFFY:
> 
> -Jesse! Turns out he was at a battle before Christophsis, so the whole "didn't get added to the chat thing" is my attempt at a retcon. If it turns out Kix was there too I'm gonna be super annoyed, but oh well xDD
> 
> -also FIVES AND ECHO ARE HERE!! THE BOYS!! We're looking forward to writing more of them lmao
> 
> -in case it wasn't clear, this chapter goes up to the 'downfall of a droid episode', with the mission to a station (and the three dead clones) being the events of that episode, with the fight against Grievous on Skytop Station, Rex and Denal both being there, and Ahsoka basically saving them from Grievous
> 
> -everyone here is still canon, although the names and number of the clones that died at skytop my co-author made up because we need something to fill the space
> 
> -I don't think we PLANNED for there to be so much Denal content, but he's here now :3 considering his extreme capabilities, and the fact that he shows up more than once early on in the show, it makes sense that he and Rex would be close (especially considering the two reportedly fought alongside one another at Geonosis)
> 
> -I hope y'all like Fives' reaction images because there will be many more. He is reaction image man. I personally headcanon that it's a Domino Squad thing to just use COPIOUS amounts of images but Echo's too nervous to do it in a new environment and all the others are dead - so, Fives!
> 
> -the story of a battle on Mimban where Jar Jar uses a fallen Jedi's lightsaber to save Rex? We didn't make that up, that's a comic that actually happens lmao


	4. Early Days (continued)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coric gets stressed, Boomer gets a promotion, and Six-Ten gets the short end of the stick again. (Rex is just trying to survive a crash landing and a deadly virus.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Sorry for the delay lmao, life catches up with ya. I can't make any promises as to when the next chapter will come out, but there's this in the meantime!

_ **501st Main Chat** _

**CC-6666** \- The Commander’s missing.

**Hardcase** \- QHAT RGW FICK

**Hardcase -** *FUCK

**Denal** \- that’s INCREDIBLY ominous thank you

**Ridge** \- no wait where’s the commander???

**Rex** \- working with the 41st corps currently.

**Rex** \- under General Unduli and Commander Gree

**Rex** \- prisoner transfer

**Ridge** \- ooooooh

**Ridge** \- okay!

**Flash** \- do we like Gree?

**Rex** \- yeah he’s okay. One of Thorn’s batchers

**Denal** \- oh fuck yeah Thorn’s a riot

**Hardcase** \- ew ch

**Hardcase** \- *cg

**Coric** \- what did the poor guard ever to do you

**Hardcase** \- bad vibesssssss

**Coric** \- savage?

**Mixer** \- the CG have better vibes than you Hardcase

**Hardcase** \- u TAKE THAT BAK

\--

\--

\--

_**Rex-Stone DMs** _

**Stone** \- hey vod’ika

**Rex** \- Sir? Is something wrong

**Stone** \- is something- your jedi are on CRACK

**Rex** \- oh

**Rex** \- yeah they’re like that

**Rex** \- what happened, sir?

**Stone** \- sit down kid I have so much to tell you

**Stone** \- first of all how the FUCK did they get captured by a bunch of pirates

**Stone** \- specifically HONDO FUCKING OHNAKA

**Rex** \- Hate to report this, sir

**Rex** \- but I can’t say I know who that is.

**Stone** \- …

**Stone** \- Alright, this is going to take a while.

\--

\--

\--

_**501st Main Chat** _

**Rex** \- y’all

**Rex** \-  _ y’all _

**Rex** \- I’m going to fucking die

**Ridge** \- ????

**Rex** \- the jedi are so fucking stupid

**Denal** \- oh lmao

**Denal** \- did you find out what happened with the pirates?

**Rex** \- SURE DID

**Fives** \-  @Denal I like the implication that you already knew what happened with the pirates

**Fives** \- like before Rex did

**Ridge** \- What DID happen with the pirates?

**Fives** \- tell u later

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \-  @everyone EMERGENCY REROUTE to the Quell system to rescue General Secura and the 327th

**Denal** \- that’s on the OTHER SIDE of the GALAXY

**Denal** \- there’s seriously nobody else who can get there faster????

**Flash** \- We’ve got this, sir!

**Flash** \- General Secura can count on us

**Denal** \- I love and loathe your optimism shiny

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \- hey

**Ridge** \- SIR

**Denal** \- oh shit you’re not dead!! Good job!

**Rex** \- thank you denal

_ [Rex has added role KIA to Flash] _

**Jesse** \- aw fuck

**Ridge** \- D:

**Coric** \-  @Rex go to the medbay

**Rex** \- ...why

**Coric** \- wh- BECAUSE YOU JUST CAME BACK FROM A CRASH, A BATTLE, AND BEING MAROONED. GET OVER HERE. EVEN THE JEDI IS HERE

**Rex** \- He got blown up!

**Coric** \- BOTH jedi??

**Rex** \- No?

**Coric** \- that’s funny because both Jedi are here and will someone PLEASE put in a requisition for meat-based rations before the Commander actually passes out from malnutrition

**Boomer** \- hate to be an absolute scrape but guess who just got

**Boomer** \- P R O M O T E D

**Kano** \- Nice.

**Ridge** \- oh nice!!

**Jesse** \- Absolute scrape indeed

**Hardcase** \- least hes selfaware

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \- Alright legion I’m making this one a volunteer call

**Rex** \- We’ve lost contact with our forward base on Orto Plutonia so we’re going to scout it out with the generals

**Rex** \- I’m not gonna sugarcoat it: this place is basically an unknown. We’d be going in blind.

**Jesse** \- I’d prefer not to but how unprofessional am I allowed to be in expressing that

**Rex** \- i’ll turn a blind eye.

**Jesse** \- thanks

**Jesse** \- [clears throat]

**Jesse** \- HELL FUCKIN’ NO that sounds like a VERY QUICK way to get myself killed

**Rex** \- your honesty is appreciated but also in future please don’t say that I don’t need men getting scared away from missions

**Jesse** \- understood sir

**Fives** \- well me and Echo volunteer!

**Echo** \- no we don’t

**Fives** \- we do! Also excuse us for a moment

\--

\--

\--

**_ Fives-Echo DMs _ **

**Fives** \- come ON Echo

**Fives** \- it’ll be fun!!

**Echo** \- I didn’t survive the Rishi Moon just to bite it out in the snow!

**Echo** \- You heard the captain, we’d be going in blind!

**Fives** \- but if we DON’T, who will?

**Echo** \- Some other clones?

**Fives** \- we ARE some other clones

**Echo** -

**Fives** -

**Fives** \- plus it’ll be a good way for us to integrate more in the legion

**Fives** \- also it’s literally our job

**Echo** \- oh my god

**Echo** \- Fine.

**Echo** \- We’re going to die but fine.

**Fives** \- That’s teh spirit!

\--

\--

\--

**_ 501st Main Chat _ **

**Rex** \- Well, that’s… at least one. Anyone else?

**Koho** \- I’m down

**Denal** \- I can’t make it but I nominate  @CT-0610 to go in my place

**CT-0610** \- bro???

**Rex** \- Accepted

**CT-0610** \- SIR???

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \- the chairman of Pantora is making my job,,, so much more difficult

**Rex** \- sir it’d be much easier to protect you from hostels if you weren’t making the hostels hostile in the first place

**Denal** \- ‘hostels’

**Koho** \- hostels

**Attie** \- hOsTeLs

**Rex** \- :|

**Fives** -

**Rex** \- can I please get back to venting now

**Rex** \- i want to stun the chairman

**Del** \- probably shouldn’t

**Denal** \- i mean you’re in charge fuckin go for it lol

**Rex** \- …

**Del** \- please do not encourage him

**Rex** \- but what if I  _ did _

**Del** \- sIR

**Echo** \-  _ SIR?? _

**Attie** \- legally I Think that would be treason but also I won’t tell if you don’t

**Del** \- I Would Be Legally Obligated To Tell

**Attie** \- snitch

**CT-0610** \- this mission is a fucking nightmare

\--

\--

\--

**Fives** \- well we’re alive!

**Echo** \- God

**Fives** \- lemme tell you, THAT was a whole-ass mission

**Echo** \-  _ God _

**Denal** \- How are casualties  @Rex

**Rex** \- I’ll update them later but at least half the squad are gone

**Rex** \- I’m never underestimating a “primitive”-classed species again

**Echo** \- They had sticks! And spears! And they still kicked our shebs

**Rex** \- All the fancy armour in the world doesn’t stand up to raw brute strength, Echo

**Echo** \- APPARENTLY NOT

**Denal** \- are the shinies gonna be okay?

**Fives** \- eh, probably

**Jesse** \- Do I want to even ask what happened?

**Nax** \- ...he’s been typing for minutes

**Jesse** \- i have regretsTM

**Rex** \- Native species was hostile to both CIS and our forces - v. territorial. Generals arranged peace but the chairman of Pantora (the planet near the moon itself) kept talkinga bout how the moon was Pantoran territory and that he wanted to fight the natives. Ended up getting himself, his bodyguard, our men, and a fair chunk of the natives all killed. Eventually the other pantoran senator had to step in and make peace with the natives. And then we all left

**Denal** \- Gnarly

**CT-0610** \- HOW IS THAT YOUR REACTION??

**CT-0610** \- IT WAS AWFUL

**Denal** \- like I said

**Denal** \- gnarly

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \-  @everyone We’re going to Naboo.

**Attie** \- oh fuck yeah??

**Attie** \- I mean

**Denal** \- we all know that’s where you get your candy Attie

**Attie** \-  _ SIR _

**Denal** \- :)

**Rex** \- literally EVERYONE knows about your black market candy ring Attie.

**Attie** \- D:

**Mixer** \- so what’s going down on Naboo?

**Rex** \- Seps are planning an attack on the planet. Droids have been sighted on the ground and we have evidence of a secret lab hidden somewhere in the swampland, not far from the capital.

**Rex** \- We’ll be working with the 212th on this one; Wave and Tide companies are active. Briefing in ten.

**Echo** \- Yes, sir!

**Flow** \- should be fun

**Fives** \- HELL yes

**Fives** \- DEPLOYMENT

**Attie** \- you were both on orta plutonia though?

**Fives** \- y e a h BUT

**Echo** \- I hate you sometimes

**Denal** \- it do be like that sometimes

**Denal** \- don’t worry little shinies Koho will keep you safe

**Hardcase** \- HEY WHJAT DO U MENA TIDE IS BACKSUP

**CT-0610** \- ‘backsup’?

**Mixer** \- he means backup, probably.

**Mixer** \- hard to tell TBH

**Nax** \- oh rest in peace tide company

**Del** \- good luck, boys

\--

\--

\--

**Coric** \- fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

**Attie** \- sarge u good

**Coric** \- NO

**Coric** \- NOT EVEN A LITTLE

**Coric** \-  _ WHY ARE SEPARATISTS THE WORST ALWAYS _

**Ridge** \- I thought it was part of their job description

**Coric** \- oh fuck off

**Ridge** \- you ASKED

**Nax** \- hey hey what’s happening??

**Fives** \- this sucks

**Coric** \- FUCK

**Boomer** \- yeah we kind of got that

**Boomer** \- tide bitches what’s happening

**Hardcase** \- Fuck You SIr

**Boomer** \- well I appreciate the sir at least

**Fives** \- I literally ahve no idea the labs sealed off

**Koho** \- Some kind of contagion got loose I think?

**Coric** \-  _ FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK _

**Nax** \- ….okay that explains coric

**Echo** \- I would like it noted on record that I hate this

**Fives** \- !! was that a JOKE?

**Echo** \- fuck off

**Boomer** \- GUYS

**Boomer** \- whats the contagion?

**Koho** \- hang on

**Coric** \- IT’S THE FUCKING BLUE SHADOW VIRUS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

**Hardcase** \- oh fuck

**Ridge** \- the What?

**Zeer** \- superdeadly waterborne virus that wiped out a big chunk of the galaxy thousands of years ago

**Koho** \- Oh, shit

**Coric** \- ITS AIRBORNE

**Zeer** \- uh

**Coric** \- THEY MADE A FUCKING AIRBORNE STRAIN

**Koho** \- Oh.

**Koho** \- Shit.

**Fives** \- 

**Coric** \- That’s going to be all of fucking Wave Company in forty-eight hours

**Koho** \- Tide company is being recalled

**Zeer** \- wiat who exactly is down there Ive lost track

**Ridge** \- Denal, Mixer

**Ridge** \- uh

**Attie** \- oh shit Denal AND Rex are down there???

**Boomer** \- this legion is going to be absolutely fucking crippled

**Nax** \- also Kano and Six-Ten and a few shinies whose names i can never uckin remember

**Nax** \- because they are NEVER online

**Zeer** \- fuck is that everyone??

**Nax** \- yeah Wave got hit hard

**Koho** \- Some of them were outside the facility when the bomb went off, so it’s not as bad as it looks.

**Coric** \- the WHAT

**Koho** \- did

**Koho** \- did nobody tell you about the virus bombs

**Coric** \- THEY SURE FUCKING DID NOT

**Koho** \- ah fuck

\--

\--

\--

**Coric** \- any status updates from the boys in the facility? With the virus bombs?

**Coric** \- how’s that whole defuckal going

**Del** \- Sir I think the correct term is ‘debacle’ sir.

**Coric** \- I’m going to debacle my foot in your ass

**Del** \- That makes 0 sense but message received

**Koho** \-  @Coric you worried

**Coric** \- ??

**Coric** \- obviously

**Koho** \- no, but I mean

**Koho** \- most of our chain of command is down there

**Del** \- oh

**Koho** \- Rex, obviously, but also Denal  _ and _ Kano

**Koho** \- you’re like the only CO left

**Coric** \- no I’m not

**Del** \- yeah there’s also boomer

**Koho** \- …

**Coric** \- ._.

**Jesse** \- :|

**Boomer** \-  _ OI _

\--

\--

\--

_ [Rex has added role KIA to Flow] _

_ [Rex has added role KIA to Mummenks] _

**Kano** \- Rest in peace, little vode

**Ridge** \- How are you feeling, sir?

**Kano** \- Like death warmed up.

**Coric** \- go the fuck back to sleep

**Kano** \- Noted.

**Coric** \- you too Rex

**Rex** \- I’m fine

**Coric** \- like Shit you are I can see you from here you look like you’re about to pass up

**Coric** \- OH FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK @anyone someone help me with this 

**Ridge** \- ????

**Attie** \- coric u good buddy

**Del** \- uhh

**Mixer** \- hes fine

**Zeer** \- what happened?

**Denal** \- Rex tried to stand up and immediately fell over

**Ridge** \- oh my gods???

**Denal** \- it would be really funny if it wasn’t also incredibly concerning

**Fives** -

**Echo** \- oh my stars Fives

**Denal** \- no no the man’s got a point

**CT-0610** \- jumping in to say

**Denal** \- eyy six ten

**CT-0610** \- i hate this

**Denal** \- lmao

**Ridge** \- oh yeah you were down there as well weren’t you?

**CT-0610** \- Id literally just recovered from the cold and blunt force trauma of Orto Plutonia and now i’ve got to recover from a fvirus that makes my lungs feel lke sand

**Fives** \- feels bad man

**CT-0610** \- IT SURE DOES

\--

\--

\--

_ [Denal has changed CT-0610’s nickname to “Six-Ten”] _

**Ridge** \- :0

**Six-Ten** \- hey what

**Six-Ten** \- that’s not my name??

**Denal** \- yes it is

**Koho** \- At this point I feel like it kinda is

**Six-Ten** \- well

**Denal** \- Were you going to change it at some point?

**Six-Ten** \- I mean

**Six-Ten** \- I was thinking of workshopping a couple of ideas

**Denal** \-  @CC-6666 should his name be Six-Ten from now on

**CC-6666** \- Sure.

**Denal** \- the cryptid has spoken

**Hardcase** \- THE CRYPD HAS SPOKEN

**Six-Ten** \- ...the cryptid has spoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FFFFY:
> 
> -This chapter covers,, not the ENTIRE rest of season 1 because we've still got to get through Ryloth; but MOST of the rest. xD
> 
> -Every time we write Six-Ten he slips further and further into the 'straight man role' and honestly I'm all for having someone sensible in this chat. (Jesse almost had the position but he canonically went on the Umbara starfighter mission with Fives and Hardcase out of spite so. maybe he's not the MOST sensible clone in this legion.)
> 
> -Yes, Hardcase having bad vibes about the Courascant Guard is our idea of foreshadowing
> 
> -Denal complains that apparently nobody can get to Secura and the 327th faster, but they probably can't, because according to estimates from wookiepedia and surrounding information, 100,000 clones died on Geonosis (which was half of the combat-ready army at the time), so... safe to say the GAR was spread thin for a while. "Begun the Clone War has" okay Yoda that's bold of you to say when half your army just got dunked on
> 
> -I was going to say something dumb like "this is the first chapter without any major casulties" but clearly I'd forgotten about Flash, the Blue Shadow Virus, and the Orto Plutonia fiasco. That's how being a writer is - you remember things until it's not totally imperative anymore, and then EVERYTHING gets forgotten all at once.
> 
> -IDK what else to say here so I'm just going to admit that I want about six of those Lego 501st battlepacks [makes grabby hands]


	5. Ryloth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attie starts a rumour, and Mixer creates a meme. Also, could Boomer maybe chill?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm listening to "Best of Wives and Best of Women" from Hamilton as I'm editing and like, WOW this song is only 47 seconds long but it's still totes emotional,,,, the power of Hamilton babey

**_501st Main Chat_ **

_ [CT-6116, CL-9632, CT-0997, and 297 others have joined the chat] _

**Rex** \- I hate that this has to be our introduction, but Hardcase, if you refer to the new recruits as ‘fresh meat’ again, you’re on permanent fresher duty alongside Denal

**Hardcase** \-  @Denal is it worth it?

**CT-6116** \- what the hell

**Denal** \- Probably not.

**Hardcase** \- thn fine :|||

**CT-6116** \- what is this conversation

**Rex** \- @shinies welcome to the 501st chat

**Rex** \- Just ignore the peanut gallery

**Koho** \- It’s what the rest of us do

**Rex** \- Also please introduce yourselves if you’ve got names because they’re far easier to keep track of

**CT-6116** \- How do we change our names?

**Rex** \- just say what it is, and then me or another CO can change it

**CT-6116** \- alright

**CT-6116** \- My name’s Kix

_ [Rex has changed CT-6116’s nickname to “Kix”] _

**Rex** \- Can’t say I’ve heard that one before

**Kix** \- that’s the point, I guess.

**Kano** \- Ah, shinies.

**Kano** \- Welcome to the 501st.

**Kano** \- If you can’t get ahold of Rex, feel free to @ either myself, or Coric and Boomer. We should be of rank to help with whatever problems you may have.

**Kano** \- (Also, Attie peddles candy. We can’t endorse it, so just don’t let us catch you in the act.)

**Attie** \- S I R

_ [CL-9632 has changed their nickname to “Trap”] _

**Del** \- Oh thank the gods another CO

**Del** \- I need someone other than Rex and Kano who I can rely on to take their job seriously

**Coric** \- trooper I am OF F E N D E D

**Boomer** \- yeah

**Boomer** \- you hurt my feelings Del

**Boomer** \- ...can I give latrine duty for hurting my feelings?

**Rex** \- No.

**Boomer** \- noted.

**Trap** \- I’ll… certainly do my best. :D

**CC-6666** \- Welcome.

**CT-0997** \- I thought Captain Rex was the CO of this legion?

**CT-0997** \- are you a commander?

**Boomer** \- Nah, that’s just the resident cryptid

**Boomer** \- we don’t know his deal

**Boomer** \- but he’s cool

**Attie** \- [spooky voice] they say he has the highest killcount in the GAR

**Boomer** \- lmao

**Attie** \- I heard that he made Count Dooku beg for mercy. That he had him at gunpoint but let him go because it’d be a waste of good ammo to finish the job.

**CT-0997** \- is that true??

**Kix** \- Honestly I’m sceptical.

**Mixer** \- the real question is, how big an idiot to you have to be to have the seppie leader cowering for mercy and NOT finish the job

**Boomer** \- LMAO

**Mixer** \- like fuck that

**Mixer** \- I’m double tapping

**Rex** \-  @Attie Please stop spreading rumours about the resident cryptid.

**Koho** \- Personally i think the real question is whether or not he has a name aside from “resident cryptid”

**Attie** \- ,,,Haven’t seen one actually

**Boomer** \- maybe we should just name him cryptid

**Ridge** \- Shouldn’t he choose?

**CC-6666** \- Sixes

**Boomer** \- huh

**CC-6666** \- My name is Sixes.

**Boomer** \- oh

**Boomer** \- cool

_ [Boomer has changed CC-6666’s nickname to “Sixes”] _

**Boomer** \- there you go dude

**CT-0997** \- Sorry if I’m butting in but my name is Redeye and I was wondering if someone could change my nickname please

_ [Kano has changed CT-0997’s nickname to “Redeye”] _

**Redeye** \- Thanks!

**Echo** \-  @Fives someone had the same idea as you look

**Fives** \- !!!

**Fives** \- oh hell no

**Fives** \- now we gotta fight and determine who the alpha is

**Echo** \- Just be careful, Fives.

**Echo** \- Word is that he’s the most competent trooper in the GAR...

\--

\--

\--

_ [CT-3437 joined the chat] _

**Ridge** \- oh?

**Nax** \- owo whats dis

**Attie** \- new clone who dis

**Attie** \- nax why

_ [Rex has changed CT-3437’s nickname to “Heater”] _

**Heater** \- For the record, I’m not actually a shiny

**Heater** \- I’m just only joining this chat now

**Attie** \- and y might that be?

**Attie** \- suspicious

**Ridge** \- Attie you can’t just harass new people

**Attie** \- watch me >:3

**Rex** \- Good luck trying to harass this one, Attie

**Rex** \- he’s already knocked a member of the Wolfpack’s teeth down their throat

**Nax** \- oh???

**Heater** \- ...he started it

**Rex** \- And I get the suspicion you would have fought  @Twitch as well, if you could have

**Heater** \- Honestly I’m not sure

**Heater** \- SIR WHYD YOU @ HIM

**Twitch** \- can confirm I felt like you would have fought me given the opportunity

**Ridge** \- I feel so left out by this whole conversation but also I feel like I don’t want to know what the context is

**Rex** \- TLDR, Heater’s had some issues with assimilating to the GAR. Be nice to him.

**Heater** \- that’s a polite way of saying I deserted, Rex

**Heater** \- Not that I don’t appreciate it, but you don’t need to be vague. They deserve to know.

**Nax** \- Deserted??

**Heater** \- Right at the beginning of the war. I guess I just... made an impulse decision and I went with it

**Attie** \- sounds like you’d get along well with Hardcase lmao

**Hardcase** \- excquize the fuck out of you

**Heater** \- Honestly I’m still not sure whether it was a mistake or not

**Ridge** \- Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re still around!

**Ridge** \- we need all the men we can get

**Heater** \- You’re not wrong

**Nax** \- (Belated) welcome to the 501st!

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \-  @everyone Deployment to Ryloth

**Hardcase** \- leTSSS GET THIS BREAD

**Koho** \- Honestly, I’ll never tire of how Hardcase always comes across as piss drunk when he uses this chat

**Redeye** \- Wait, he’s not drunk?

**Attie** \- sdjklfjlkasdjfksjdfljksadf

**Koho** \- Nope

**Hardcase** \- m just built different

**Koho** \- he’s just weird

**Redeye** \- huh

**Fives** \- hell yeah boys

**Fives** -

\--

\--

\--

**Denal** \- so I know this is usually the Captain’s job but he’s busy

**Denal** \- so @ everyone the 64th battalion we were supposed to be reinforcing? Yeah they’re fuckin gone

**Denal** \- down to their Jedi

**Nax** \- oh shit

**Redeye** \- oh FUCK

**Fives** -

**Coric** \- Well shit

**Coric** \- who was the commander?

**Rex** \- Captain, actually.

**Rex** \- Captain Keeli

**Coric** \- ah

**Denal** \- sorry for your loss, Rex

**Denal** \- also I want everyone to know that the jedi’s name was Ima-Gun Di

**Boomer** \- ur shitting me

**Coric** \- I will resist the urge to laugh.

**Coric** \- but in the interests of full disclosure I  _ did _ feel it. I felt the urge

**Fives** \- I am no longer surprised

**Fives** \- like

**Fives** \- it makes sense when you thinkk about it

\--

\--

\--

**Denal** \- All I’m saying is

**Denal** \- this legion has a garbage track record when it comes to keeping our pilots alive

**Boomer** \- how many’d we lose THIS time

**Denal** \- IDK about exact amounts, but I know that out of the squad leaders, Tucker, Swoop and Axe are all gone

**Boomer** \- oh dam

**Zeer** \- Wait, Axe too? I thought he made it back

**Denal** \- apparently his power converters went bust and it fucked him over

**Denal** \- IDK

**Zeer** \- motherFUCKER

**Denal** \- ???

**Zeer** \- sorry it’s just

**Zeer** \- we were literally having that discussion in engineering right before he went out

**Zeer** \- like we KNEW they were on the brink of shorting out

**Zeer** \- and we told him!!!

**Boomer** \- let me guess

**Boomer** \- he gave you some heroic shpeel about how he couldn’t let the rest of his squad go out there without him

**Zeer** \- ...pretty much

**Boomer** \- fucking idiot

**Denal** \-  @Boomer Annoying heroics aside, don’t you think it’s bad karma to badmouth the dead?

**Boomer** \- karma can chew on my rancid plastisteel boots

**Rex** \-  @Boomer Simmer.

**Boomer** \- .

**Boomer** \- Yes, sir

\--

\--

\--

**Hardcase** \- WE WON LADS

**Hardcase** \- POGCHAMPPP

**Echo** \- What does that even mean??

**Jesse** \- literally do not question it

**Trap** \- Noted xD

**Ridge** \- Wait, already?

**Ridge** \- why bring over the full legion if we end up not even getting deployed?

**Rex** \- Because we are, Ridge

**Rex** \- One thing you learn about every battle - you need a cleanup crew

**Rex** \- and Ryloth has been one of the most conflict-heavy locations of the entire war up until this point

**Rex** \- they need us to help with that cleanup

**Ridge** \- right

**Ridge** \- So, what does that entail??

**Denal** \- mop up seppie stragglers, supply runs, reinforcement, subbing in for other units who got depleted earlier in the fighting, security,,,, there’s a lot of ground to cover

**Trap** \- I guess it’s a good thing this legion’s as big as it is, huh?

**Denal** \- got it in one

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \- Before anyone asks after me, I’ve gone down to the surface with Kano and some of our shinies

**Denal** \- Enjoy babysitting lmao

**Rex** \- :|

**Denal** \- I’m already on permanent fresher duty, Rex old boy

**Denal** \- what are you gonna do?

**Denal** \- assign me  _ more _ cleaning duty to go along with my lifetime’s supply of cleaning duty?

**Ridge** \- I still DK how you can talk to the captain like that Denal

**Denal** \- lmao

**Denal** \- we go way back

**Jesse** \- how far back

**Jesse** \- we haven’t been at war for THAT long

**Denal** \- eh.

**Denal** \- far enough

**Jesse** -

**Fives** \- YOU THIEF

**Mixer** \- in related news, actually

**Jesse** \- ???

**Jesse** \- you can’t just claim ownership of reaction images

**Mixer** \- I’ve been busy making some special images in response to Boomer being a shitheel

**Mixer** \- (because I for one have an appreciation for heroics)

**Fives** \- says who??

**Mixer** -

**Fives** \-  _ wheeze _

**Jesse** \- lmao??

**Boomer** \- ...ok

**Boomer** \- I see how it is

**Boomer** \- let’s just venerate stubborn men getting themselves killed

**Mixer** -

**Fives** \- im fucking cryingg

**Boomer** \- ok MIXER

**Boomer** \- go step on a lego brick

**Mixer** -

**Jesse** \- jksdfsdlaf HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE

**Denal** \- Mixer I hope you’re aware that this is maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

**Mixer** \- enough

**Mixer** \- and thanks lmao

**Boomer** \- :|||

\--

\--

\--

**Redeye** \- WE’RE ALIVE

**Kano** \- Indeed we are

**Redeye** \- I would never have thought being told to “limp like i’ve got a purpose” would be an inspiring thing to hear but

**Redeye** \- uh

**Redeye** \- it helped

**Redeye** \- so thanks sir

**Attie** \- LMAOOO

**Attie** \- What even happened

**Kano** \- TLDR, we got bombed.

**Attie** \- ah!

**Attie** \- sounds intens

**Kano** \- A little.

**Redeye** \- It sure was!!!

**Kano** \- But luckily, the jedi were there to prevent any major casulties.

**Kano** \- So it wasn’t all bad.

**Attie** \- Good old jedi.

**Kano** \- You’ve gotta love ‘em.

**Kix** \- Does anyone know where the Captain is?

**Kix** \- I wanted to ask him something about our med supplies.

**Kano** \- I think he and Boomer went out on patrol.

**Kix** \- k

**Kix** \- Thanks

**Coric** \-  @Kix what’s so important that you have to go to Rex instead of your chief medic >:(

**Kix** \- Well, my understanding was that you’re the one who has the medical know-how, and is in charge of organisation, but the captain is still the one that files requisitions and keeps track of the timing for when equipment comes in. I wanted to ask him  _ when _ we were gonna get those supplies I put in a request for

**Kix** \- although I did want to ask you why the main medical droid only has one arm?? It seems like an oversight.

**Coric** \- uh

**Coric** \- how about we wait until rex comes back and he can answer that one for you huh

**Kix** \- That’s what I thought.

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \- Well, I’m back

**Rex** \- @ Kix

**Denal** \- hey captain

**Denal** \- hey

**Denal** \- captain hey

**Kano** \- Oh, here we go.

**Denal** \- is

**Denal** \- it

**Denal** \- true

**Denal** \- that you and Boomer managed to get captured

**Jesse** \- what????

**Denal** \- by Cad Fucking Bane

**Koho** \- oh my god

**Rex** \- ….

**Denal** \- just curious :)

**Boomer** \- give us SOME credit

**Boomer** \- we also fought the shit out of this giant skakoan in a mech suit

**Denal** \- is that a confession?

**Rex** \- I’m sure I can find some other menial task to saddle you with

**Denal** \- doubt

**Denal** \- what kind of name even is “Cad Bane” anyway lmao he sounds like a cheap holovid antagonist

**Rex** \- You know, one day YOU’RE going to have to deal with him

**Rex** \- and on that day I will laugh at you

**Boomer** \- we ALSO saved the jedi

**Boomer** \- just so y’all are aware

**Denal** \- lame

**Denal** \- protecting the jedi is our whole job

**Ridge** \- So, who even is Cad Bane

**Rex** \- Duros bounty hunter. Real piece of work

**Rex** \- made us fight with him via use of explosive binders that he had the detonator for

**Six-Ten** \- Yikes!

**Boomer** \- Yeah he was a pain lmao

**Echo** \- So, what’s happening now? The general’s looking antsy.

**Rex** \- The skakoan we fought got away with something - a bomb. Apparently he’s going to use it to wipe out the Naboo system.

**Echo** \- Is that even possible?

**Rex** \- I don’t think the general or the republic want to risk it

**Rex** \- I’ll keep everyone updated on whether or not we’re going to be deployed

\--

\--

\--

**Rex** \- update!

**Rex** \- we’re not getting deployed

**Rex** \- The 212th and 91st are, and I’m going with.

**Denal** \- sucks to be teh jedis’ favourite

**Rex** \- At least it means I’m no stranger to action

**Rex** \- The rest of you had better not fall out of practice by the time I get back

**Denal** \- Don’t worry, Rex

**Denal** \- I’ll keep them working hard

**Rex** \- Who said I was leaving you in charge?

**Rex** \-  @Kano , you’re in charge.

**Heater** \- LMAO

**Kano** \- I’ll do my best, sir.

**Denal** \- rex

**Denal** \- :(

**Denal** \- can you feel my feelings of betrayal

**Denal** \- im sending them your way

**Denal** \- FEEL MY BETRAYAL REX

**Rex** \- I feel a stale breeze

**Heater** \- probably just gunship ventilation

**Rex** \- Yeah

**Rex** \- you’re probably right

**Denal** \- :(((((((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FFFFY:
> 
> \- And with that, we've covered season 1 of the show! Next chapter will be some between-season stuff, fitting in some content from other clone wars games, and then it's on to season 2! (and all that happens there lmao)
> 
> \- K I X !!! (Also Redeye (dies in Voyage of Temptation) and Trap (dies in the brain worms episode) but yeah, nah, mostly Kix lmao) looking forward to seeing him play more of a prominent role in the future!
> 
> \- FINALLY WE GET PAST RYLOTH AND THE REPUBLIC HEROES PLOT. Part of the reason this chapter took so long is because we procrastinated for ages about actually delving into the game's pot and details about what exactly the 501st were doing at that point in time. Of course, once we got there, it wasn't even the biggest task we've ever undertaken or anything, but hey, that's just procrastination for you.
> 
> \- Attie's responsible for Sixes' reputation! At least, partially. :P Based on his status as an upbeat jokester-type it makes sense, I think, that he'd start a story like that ironically. And then it gets picked up and becomes GAR folklore, even if none of them know it yet lmao
> 
> \- This is the 501st's first encounter with Cad Bane! It won't be the last. We don't claim to be subtle in our foreshadowing, but we hope y'all appreciate it >:3
> 
> \- Context for the guy "Heater" - he was in a comic that only released,,, I'm not sure HOW many weeks ago, but it wasn't that many. Literally while we were writing this chapter they released a new story about an interesting deserter clone who ends up joining the 501st. I was like "oh we GOTTA add him" and now we have! We'll see how he fits into the story overall, but I hope everyone likes him! :D
> 
> \- The "limp like you've got a purpose" line is right from the game xDDD It has it's moments!


	6. The epic adventures of the 2nd Battalion (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This episode; Denal hogs the spotlight, Mixer and Ridge take turns playing the role of 'Greek chorus', and Attie makes a typo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, and apologies for how long it took to get another chapter out! I should specify, this story may have two authors, but both authors also have MANY OTHER PROJECTS, and this is basically a side idea we're having fun with. Everyone's been wonderful and supportive so far, and we appreciate that, but also we don't have a schedule and just work when the mood hits us, so... updates are probably going to be infrequent, and will definitely have the consistency of a roulette wheel.

_**501st Main Chat** _

**Rex** \- I hate the Force and also the Jedi

 **Denal** \- that bad huh

 **Rex** \- YES

 **Kano** \- Welcome back, sir. I’m not in charge anymore.

 **Rex** \- that’s fine

 **Rex** \- We were hovering the Twilight over an _exploding underground laboratory_ \- there is a MASSIVE crater on Bephour now, by the way - because Skywalker and Tano decided to make a daring last minute escape

 **Attie** \- they do that

 **Rex** \- by _jumping_ onto the Twilight from the explosion

 **Hardcase** \- SICK

 **Rex** \- I told General Kenobi to leave them behind :/

 **Del** \- sir????

 **Coric** \- aw cmon you wouldn’t abandon the baby Jedi like that would you?????

 **Rex** \- To be free of Skywalker? I just might.

 **Denal** \- Im gonna tell him you said that

 **Rex** \- PLEASE DO I want to tell him to his face what a fucking idiot he is.

 **Del** \- SIR

 **Ridge** \- oh my g od

 **Echo** \- Good to see that the captain’s patience has worn thin.

 **Ridge** \- that’s a good thing???

 **Echo** \- Not in and of itself.

 **Echo** \- But for future reference, I suppose it’s good to know where his breaking point is.

 **Del** \- “jedi hurling themselves onto a rustbucket to escape a giant explosion”, then

 **Echo** \- Precisely

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \-  @everyone  New Assignment.

 **Fives** \- my body is ready

 **Six-Ten** \- Anyone else ever wish that not every @everyone was dedicated to just the legion being told where they were heading next

 **Rex** \- Rumour has it that the CIS are up to something in the Outer Rim, so we’re one of the legions being sent to investigate.

 **Twitch** \- man who pissed off Sixten or is he just always like that

 **Coric** \- sound treasonous Six-Ten, we could probably court-martial you for that kind of dissent

 **Ridge** \- what other @everyones would you like to see?

 **Del** \- I don’t think that’s how it works in the GAR, sir

 **Coric** \- Fucks sake  @Del  let me have some fun

 **Fives** \- lmaooooo

 **Six-Ten** \- no-one pissed me off

 **Six-Ten** \- and IDK, just,,, I really dunno

 **Six-Ten** \- good news?

 **Rex** \- You know that some men would consider deployment good news

 **Fives** \- once again, my body is ready

 **Echo** \- Fives can you _please_ stop being so embarrassing

 **Fives** -

\--

\--

\--

 **Rex** \- Okay  @Denal  your battalion is heading to Rodia

 **Coric** \- Denal gets a battalion?? 

**Denal** \- I’m just that good

 **Denal** \- :3

 **Rex** \- believe me when I say that leadership is not an enviable task

 **Jesse** \- Implying that we aren’t simply a delight to lead??

 **Rex** \- I suppose I can be less subtle next time

 **Jesse** \- [insert sad emoji here]

 **Denal** \- Ok 2nd battalion, you’re with me

 **Denal** \- uh

 **Denal** \- is there a specific role for members of a battalion

 **Denal** \- ?

 **Rex** \- I hope you can remember the names of every member of 2nd Denal :)

 **Denal** \- FUCK’S SAKE

 **Denal** \- HALF OF THEM DON’T EVEN _HAVE_ NAMES

 **Rex** \- _:)_

 **Coric** \- ‘’’vindictive’’’ is an interesting look on u Rex

 **Nax** \- strongly disagree.

 **Nax** \- it,,, scares me.

 **Mixer** \- lmaoooooo

 **Ridge** \- Why is he even vindictive

 **Ridge** \- what did Denal do??

 **Coric** \- :|

 **Ridge** \- Maybe it’s a dumb question but I stand by it

 **Del** \- Well, we all know Denal has a track record of annoying the captain.

 **Del** \- Perhaps a better question would be, ‘what _didn’t_ he do?’

 **Coric** \- nerd

 **Del** \- SIR

 **Mixer** \- enjoy that  @Denal 

**Mixer** \- enjoy painstakingly seeking out each individual member of 2nd to get them together

 **Mixer** \- sucks to be you

 **Denal** \- …

 **Jesse** \-  @Mixer  aren’t you a member of 2nd battalion?

 **Jesse** \- [eyes emoji]

 **Denal** \- Oh is that so

 **Mixer** \- fuck

 **Denal** \- oh Mixer

 **Denal** \- I take it you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows, of permanent fresher duty

 **Coric** \-  @Del  get the popcorn

 **Del** \- affirmative

 **Denal** \- Prepare for enlightenment, trooper.

\--

\--

\--

 **Mixer** \- hooooly shit

 **Trap** \- Is this about the fresher thing?

 **Mixer** \- what

 **Mixer** \- no lol

 **Denal** \-  @Mixer  Wait until you’re at least off the gunship to update the GC

 **Mixer** \- aight

 **Hardcase** \- ???

 **Trap** \- Well now I’m VERY curious as to what happened on Rodia

 **Hardcase** \- snce when was mixer denal’s bitch

 **Del** \- Not that I don’t agree, but that’s a… crude way of putting it.

 **Trap** \- Eh. I’ve heard worse.

 **Hardcase** \- but WHAT HAPPENED

 **Ridge** \- captured a comm relay station, almost evacuated but got rerouted at teh last momet because the captain wanted us to clear an LZ in the jungle, did that, then hiked through a swamp to destroy a droid factory

 **Trap** \- Oh?

 **Del** \- Wait are you there too Ridge?

 **Ridge** \- yeah

 **Trap** \- is that. Everything your battalion did?

 **Ridge** \- Well _really_ that was everything Denal did

 **Ridge** \- I mean we were there for most of it

 **Ridge** \- but yeah

 **Ridge** \- pretty sure Denal’s earned Mixer’s, like, everlasting respect

 **Mixer** \- he just SLAM DUNKED a GRENADE into a TANK

 **Mixer** \- and it WORKED

 **Ridge** \- technically it was an MTT not a tank

 **Mixer** \- WHATEVER

 **Mixer** \- IT WAS SICK

 **Hardcase** \- wait are mtts and tanks not the same thing

 **Trap** \- Well, holy shit.

\--

\--

\--

 **Mixer** \- HOLY FUCK

 **Six-Ten** \- ???

 **Ridge** \- Im joining Mixer on the Denal Simp Train

 **Del** \- cursed thanks

 **Ridge** \- You laugh NOW

 **Denal** \-  @Mixer  seriously we’re not even on the Resolute yet

 **Trap** \- lmao

 **Denal** \- Im pretty sure commander tano can sense you gossiping

 **Rex** \- Almost certainly!

 **Rex** \- Welcome back, by the way

 **Denal** \- and general kenobi DEFINITELY CAN

 **Denal** \- thanks Rex

 **Denal** \- i’m going to be defrosting my armor for a week

 **Coric** \- what even happened? Weren’t you guys suppost to come back after Rodia?

 **Echo** \- I think it’s “supposed to” sir

 **Coric** \- I’ll suppose you out the airlock trooper

 **Zeer** \- sdfjhdskfsdf???

 **Del** \- I really wish you’d behave in front of the shinies sir

 **Coric** \- I think your head would explode if I did

 **Rex** \- Most of Denal’s battalion is already back with the legion, but Denal and his squad were rerouted with Commander Tano to Orto Plutonia to extract General Kenobi

 **Coric** \- Was the 212th asleep or what

 **Denal** \- 212th was deployed elsewhere, the General was there alone

 **Ridge** \- “alone”

 **Denal** \- Well. alone with a bunch of seppie droids

 **Denal** \- who Incidentally do not show up on our fucking radar

 **Rex** \- Hm. Could be problematic.

 **Denal** \- _you’re telling me_

 **Del** \- Oh, yikes!

 **Kix** \- I hate to be the one to ask but were there casualties

 **Denal** \- nah

 **Denal** \- well

 **Zeer** \- aw fuck

 **Denal** \- aside from Mixer’s pride? No

 **Mixer** \- HEY

 **Six-Ten** \- So, Mixer being a clown aside

 **Mixer** \- H E Y

 **Six-Ten** \- What actually happened on Orto Plutonia?

 **Six-Ten** \- (side note, very glad I’m not part of the second battalion right now)

 **Denal** \- Oh I see how it is

 **Denal** \- don’t worry Six-Ten I’ll make sure you join us some day

 **Six-Ten** \- damn it

 **Zeer** \- ….how long has Mixer been typing.

 **Coric** \- not as long as Rex was that one time do u remember

 **Rex** \- lmao

 **Mixer** \- OKAY SO yes we got rerouted to Orto Plutonia to help extract a Jedi, met Commander Tano at the LZ (I dunno man) and then we got roped into recovering a downed weapons shipment, which Denal did by setting up a bunch of scanners to cut through the weather interference and also whatever jamming fuckery the Seps were pulling, and finding the crew of a larty that got dropped in atmo.

 **Denal** \- oh speaking of, I grabbed some droid logs from a Seppie comm console

 **Denal** \- should be in the debrief, Rex

 **Rex** \- Already received.

 **Trap** \- I thought the seps didn’t have a presence on Orto Plutonia?

 **Denal** \- well, so did we, but apparently they do have

 **Denal** \- a, and I cannot stress this enough, _radar-immune_ presence

 **Ridge** \- this came up a lot

 **Mixer** \- the larty was downed by aforementioned radar-immune droids but we managed to reach the crash site before the droids did so that turned out okay

 **Mixer** \- then we disabled a bunch of transmitters controlling the droids and took em out

 **Mixer** \- well. Denal mostly did. But we were there.

 **Ridge** \- I didn’t know a person could kill that many droids in one afternoon

 **Ridge** \- and I was on Teth

 **Attie** \- way to bring the mood down

 **Ridge** \- SORRY

 **Ridge** \- im just SAYING

 **Rex** \- :////

 **Coric** \- Tag your t-words

\--

\--

\--

 **Denal** \- I’d just like to announce that I hate sand

 **Rex** \- noted

 **Echo** \- For what it’s worth I heard general Skywalker say something similar once

 **Denal** \- I see our general is a man of taste

 **Six-Ten** \- where are you guys now?

 **Denal** \- well, we’re not there ANYMORE

 **Denal** \- but we WERE on Tatooine

 **Denal** \- which is just the fucking worst

 **Redeye** \- Mixer just collapsed on his bunk

 **Redeye** \- he might be crying???

 **Denal** \- oh yeah make sure he gets to the medbay

 **Denal** \- idiot got shot

 **Redeye** \- he go thwat now

 **Redeye** \- *got what now

 **Mixer** \- iwas SAVING YOUR LIFE

 **Denal** \- well next time do it without getting shot?

 **Kix** \- I’m on my way

 **Mixer** \- shit

 **Coric** \- you’re lucky Kix volunteered before I did

 **Coric** \- he’s nicer than me

 **Attie** \- dare I point out how low a bar that is

 **Coric** \- No You Do Not

 **Attie** \- understood!

 **Six-Ten** \- So what happened this time?

 **Ridge** \- Well

 **Ridge** \- no casualties again! Which is nice

 **Ridge** \- well, unless you count Mixer getting himself shot

 **Denal** \- I don’t

 **Zeer** \- bro

 **Denal** \- He’s not dead?? He’ll be fine

 **Ridge** \- So we were sent to Tatooine for some unfathomable reason but ONCE AGAIN we get slammed with a bunch of droids that aren’t supposed to be there, because Denal has a sixth sense for this stuff I guess

 **Denal** \- the Techno Union base was supposed to be deserted but alas we are never that lucky

 **Ridge** \- yeah

 **Ridge** \- So we cleared out the base, by which I mean Denal cleared out the base and we kind of watched

 **Denal** \- I appreciate the moral support

 **Attie** \- lmao

 **Ridge** \- and then we get called to clear another LZ because apparently this is our entire job now

 **Rex** \- Correct.

 **Ridge** \- thanks sir

 **Ridge** \- so we clear the LZ for the larty so they can start taking the TU base apart I think and then we get a call about ANOTHER base SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE DESERT so off we fuck into the... sand dunes of the jundland wastes, or wherever it was

 **Rex** \- I told you to go AROUND

 **Denal** \- I may have neglected that part of the orders

 **Rex** \- …

 **Denal** \- hey it worked out!

 **Rex** \- why are we friends

 **Denal** \- <3

 **Redeye** \- when did Mixer get shot??

 **Fives** -

**Attie** \- skdjfsdkf

 **Ridge** \- thank you Fives

 **Ridge -** anyway

 **Ridge** \- We get there and the whole place is being evacuated

 **Mixer** \- which is _hella_ sus

 **Ridge** \- right

 **Ridge** \- and then we get a pre-recorded message from GENERAL GRIEVOUS about how ‘the Republic is doomed’ or whatever, and then we have to fight off another bunch of droids

 **Ridge** \- so… many… droids…

 **Attie** \- GENERAL GRIEVOUS???

 **Attie** -

**Zeer** \- he left you a message???

 **Zeer** \- Legit sounds fake

 **Coric** \- unsubscribed

 **Ridge** \- It wasn’t for us _specifically_ , it was just for,,, whoever stumbled onto the place I guess

 **Denal** \- listen I know these guys make it sound like a lot but it wasn’t a LOT lot

 **Denal** \- it was just a thing. Yaknow

 **Ridge** \- All due respect, sir, “get in a base, get threatened by General Grievous, steal some secret plans, disarm a bomb, and escape in a larty” is not JuSt A tHiNg

 **Fives** \- also if Denal and grievous met on skytop then I guess they’re like,,, arch enemies now

 **Denal** \- that’s really not how it works

 **Attie** \- hot dam

 **Zeer** \- I actually have a headache just listening to the recount of this

 **Attie** \- who knew Denal was full ‘crouchig tinger hidden badass’

 **Coric** \- _wheeze_

 **Fives** \- do you want to try that one again attie

 **Attie** \- ...nah

 **Attie** \- it’s fine

 **Attie** \- I can live with my mistakes

 **Coric** \- who’s this Denal we’ve been talking about

 **Coric** \- i 0only know crochig tinger

 **Attie** \- sdjkfkljfksdjfksdjlkf

 **Ridge** \- OH GOD????

 **Heater** \- just popping into say that this is hilarious, and also that Zeer is laughing too hard to say that himself

 **Heater** \- oh now he’s writhing on the ground complaining about his stomach

 **Heater** \- might take him to medical

 **Fives** \- C R O C H I G T I N G E R

 **Denal** \- i cant take you boys anywhere huh

_[Rex has cleared Denal’s nickname]_

_[Rex has changed CT-7466’s nickname to “crochig tinger”]_

**Ridge** \- oh??

 **Fives** \- o h

 **crochig tinger** \- from the bottom of my heart rex

 **crochig tinger** \- fuck you

 **Rex** \- You’re welcome Denal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FFFFY:
> 
> \- This is a part 1 because it was taking a really long time for us to get through this period in the timeline, and I eventually decided to split up our planned chapter so that we had SOMETHING to upload xDD
> 
> \- This is all basically based on the random Clone Wars tie-in games. Our understanding is that you play as Denal and go through all these levels and get a bunch of promotions?? It's some mad stuff, but at least we can use to emphasize how much of a badass Denal is! More to come in part 2
> 
> \- There's a bit of spotlight hogging going on by ol' Denal, but fear not, we're gonna give other clones their chance to shine. (Plus we need to use Denal while we still can :3)
> 
> \- The crochig tinger typo was actually a typo I physically made while writing the chapter - initially I didn't think anything of it and was gonna just delete it, but then I looked back, laughed, and rolled with it in-universe. The comedy wrote itself xDD
> 
> \- Chronologically, we're still between seasons 1 and 2 - once we get done with this collection of side stuff, I think the 501st's next stop is Felucia! That should be,,,, fun
> 
> \- IDK if anyone was curious or not, but I can confirm that the plan is that there WILL be prose writing at some point! I won't say when though. :333


End file.
